NeighborHOOD Report

So, today there was another huge fire in the neighborhood (though it was on the north side of Houston; technically not the LES, but close enough) and I went up there because I have no life and a writer’s curiosity and I thought, “It’s really too bad I don’t write for a real newspaper or magazine because I always seem to be on the scene when shit happens.” SO, I started thinking, I have a blog and I know for sure that at least two people read it and I’ll bet Ms. Huffington started with two readers (maybe not, but this was a fleeting thought) so why don’t I just report the news along with my personal essays and musings?

This seemed like a good idea and if I had to have a motto it would most likely be “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” SO, I’m gonna start small with the Local News and every week (let’s say every Thursday) I will present the NeighborHOOD Report: What’s GOING DOWN Below 14th. I welcome your comments and suggestions for news items and stories: Who is in jail, who should be in jail, what burnt the f**k down, what street has the most atrocious garbage and smell that week, what liquor stores are having sales, what bands are playing, what open mikes are happening…you know: THE NEWS or at least THE LOCAL NEWS, which is what I know, a lot better than I know other news.

Let’s start with today.

It’s hot as balls and there’s a big hole in my street that someone covered with a mat and an orange cone and people covered it in garbage all day till it has begun to resemble an art installation.

But the TOP STORY is the fire. It started on the roof and within minutes there were plumes of black smoke billowing from it. Here is a link to a story by a real reporter. Apparently, no one was injured (thank you, FDNY) and the cause is still unknown. I’m *gonna* guess the cause is that the building was an old firetrap shithole! More on the fire later, maybe.

Other news: September Wines on the corner of Ludlow and Stanton is having “The World Cup of Wine.” Tonight was “Spain vs. Greece” and if you’re wondering why this blog sucks, it’s probably because  I wandered in and tasted both, voted for Spain and bought a bottle and split it with a lovely young producer who came by the Troll Museum to scout it out this evening. So now I’ve had half a bottle and I just realized I wrote more about the World Cup of Wine than I did about the fire and maybe this is why I don’t have a real “reporting” job. Anyway, if you go there and buy a bottle during their wine world cup, you automatically get entered in a raffle where you can win an 100 dollar gift certificate!

In other news, there are some fab shows coming up this week and next. On the 11th, go to Bowery Poetry Club, first at 6 for Bingo with Keith and the Girl and then at 10 for Brief View of the Hudson’s Tour Kickoff. And, on the 14th, go back for Skits ‘n’ Tits!

And don’t forget…I’m gonna be 38 cantankerous years old in 16 days! This makes me a Leo, which means that all I really want for my birthday is to be adored and pampered! (But not stalked.) Also, Leo being the 5th House, which is the House of Fun, more than anything, I want everyone to have fun. Fun is the most underrated thing in the world. So come to my Spongebob Birthday Party on the 28th, 10pm at Bowery!