Fun Interview

While digging through old essays in an effort to get my novel together (36,000 words down and having a freakout!) I came across a fun interview I did with Time Out New York for their Sex Issue 2 years ago. It was never printed in its entirety so printing it here:

Your current profession/job: art star

 Previous sex- or erotic-related professions/jobs: sex-columnist for Nerve and author of an erotic memoir

 Your neighborhood of residence (Chelsea, Williamsburg, etc.): Lower East Side

ABOUT NEW YORK CITY

(1) Has NYC lost its mojo? Why or why not?

 New York City’s mojo is simply exhausted from working overtime. It’s currently taking a nap and is set to wake up when the hipsters grow up, have children and move out. 

 (2) On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being a highly repressed nun and 10 being a scene from Caligula, how conservative is NYC, especially compared to other large cities? Explain!

 Well, we have our own official condom. Not many other cities can say that. Come to think of it, NYC was also the home of America’s first birth control clinic, which opened in 1916. And yet somehow, New York City’s population just keeps growing so obviously, someone here is getting laid.

 (3) What is the sexiest person, place or thing in NYC?

 The Statue of Liberty because she’s got an open invitation inscribed at her base. When people in other countries got a load of her they started coming in droves.

(4) In your experience, what’s the biggest hurdle New Yorkers need to overcome sexually?

 They’re too goal-oriented. Everyone is so busy trying to shoot loads or to get their partner to shoot loads, or to shoot loads at the same time as their partner or whatever that they forget that just feeling pleasure is good enough.

 

(5) Are there any local pornographers or performers, exotic dancers, escorts, filmmakers, artists, photographers, writers, etc., doing exceptional, notable or groundbreaking work in the sex/erotica arenas?

 Patrick Bucklew a.k.a. Mangina is the only person I know of who’s making casts of the vulvas of New York City’s most iconic women. I hope he someday opens a museum.

(6) What is the scourge of the NYC sex industry? Interpret this how you wish. 

The economy!

 (7) What’s the best sex shop in NYC? And what’s your all-time favorite sex toy, product or film?

 Bed Bath and Beyond. After all the weird shit I did as a sex columnist, I’m just really into fucking on a comfortable bed. My fave “sex” film is the Lord of the Rings trilogy. You think it’s over and then it just keeps going and giving you pleasure. It’s like tantric sex.

(8) Where’s the best place to hook up in NYC? This could be a great singles bar or a play party—anything!

 At my open mike (4th Wed. of every month at Bowery Poetry Club) lots of people who are too strange to meet people at places where “normals” hang out, have found love and sex. Only thing is if you disappear with someone, you might miss your spot.

(9) Which of the five boroughs is the sexiest and why?

 Queens because it’s Spiderman’s birthplace.

 

ABOUT YOU, YOUR JOB AND YOUR SEX LIFE 

(10) How did you get into this line of work? Do you see yourself doing this type of work until retirement?

 I wrote some articles for Nerve and they offered me the column, which I was, financially, in no position to refuse.

 (11) Does your job make you better in bed? Please explain.

 Absolutely! The sheer number of workshops I attended (fellatio school, a tantric sex class, an S&M reformatory, etc.) and research materials I studied (Seymour Butt’s Complete Guide to Female Ejaculation, She Comes First, Blow Him Away: How to Give Him Mind-Blowing Oral Sex, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex and dozens of others) gave me an education more valuable than the one I got at art school.

 (12) How do most New Yorkers react when they find out what you do? Do the reactions ever vary by gender or orientation? Moreover, how has your job negatively or positively affected romantic relationships?

 When I was writing the column, having any type of romance was almost impossible. People would come up to me on the street and ask me to fuck them with a strap-on, but no one ever asked me to dinner and a movie.

 (13) What is the wildest thing you’ve ever done in the name of work?

 I suppose going undercover as a nude maid.  

(14) Have you ever been arrested? If it happened here, what was your experience with the NYPD like?

 Nope.

(15) What’s the freakiest fetish or most outrageous sexual request you’ve ever gotten? Did you indulge it?

To “fluff” someone before they had sex with a jar of mayonnaise and yes, I did fluff them.  It was his birthday after all.

(16) What’s one sexual act you’re embarrassed you’ve never tried?

 Can’t think of anything.

(17) How many people have you slept with? Do you think this number surprises people? 

 Less than Wilt Chamberlain but more than the aforementioned nun.

(18) Have you ever had VD? What kind?

 Do boyfriends count?

(19) Have you ever had a famous client?

 Not applicable.

(20) As someone who is immersed in sex/erotica, got any tricks of the trade or tips for readers?

 I know working out is a pain in the ass, but you should do your kegels.  I’m doing mine right now.

(21) Are you ever bored by sex (doing it or talking about it)?

I doubt I’ll ever grow tired of having it, but I never want to be known as someone who only writes about sex. That said, I really only like reading books with lots of sex and depravity in them so I’m sure whatever I write, it will continue to be lurid.  

 

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