Edited the bit I started writing and didn’t want to hit “edit” because that seems like cheating, but this got to the heart of what I wanted to say about love. (Sorry, I know it’s a bit late since V-Day was 3 days ago…)
Due to some planetary fuck up in my astrological chart, astrologers tell me I know exactly what I want in every area of my life except for love. And this is true. This is why I can tell you about the next 20 paintings and books I’m going to complete but I can’t tell you if I think I’ll ever marry or what kind of man I want to marry or whether or not it’ll even be a man. People therefore often assume I’m not thinking about the future, which isn’t true. I think about the future all the time, it’s just that when I do, it’s full of art not love. That said, I’ve always guessed that I would know what I wanted in love when it, he or she appeared. I would know what I wanted when I didn’t want it, he or she to then disappear.
And this idea that I might not want someone to someday disappear connotes all of the things that scare me, namely neediness and egolessness, a love so strong that I might want to disappear.
So perhaps it’s not really a planetary fuck up at all but plain old simple fear.
I am afraid of love.
Love, so they say, conquers all, and how can something that conquers all not be the most terrifying thing on the planet?
Maybe real love is what happens when you aren’t afraid of being conquered. It’s like putting your own shackles on because the conqueror is so beautiful you can’t resist being its slave.