Reverend Jen Presents:

The 13th Annual Mr. Lower East Side Pageant!

Friday, January 20th, 10:00 P.M.

Bowery Poetry Club (308 Bowery) take the ‘F’ to 2nd Ave. or the ’6′ to Bleecker

SEVEN DOLLARS

It’s that time of year again – The time when snowflakes fall gently onto the crumbling sidewalks and dudes who haven’t seen the inside of a gym in over a decade suddenly want to look buff for the laydees…That’s right, it’s time for the annual Mr. Lower East Side Pageant whereupon the women and gay men of the Lower East Side choose one lucky man to rule the area south of Houston and east of Bowery.

 The 13th annual Pageant will prove to be an extra-glamorous extravaganza, similar to the Ms. Universe Pageant, if all the contestants were hairy and liked Budweiser.

To compete in this cutthroat pageant, contestants need not live on the Lower East Side. (Because honestly, who can afford it anymore?) They simply must possess qualities, which would make them the proper representative of this neighborhood. (What those qualities are, I am not quite sure of…) They also must prepare for the following competitions:  A 1-minute talent competition, a swimsuit competition, eveningwear and question and answer. Contestants must show up at 9:30 to sign up! Or they should e-mail revjen@revjen.com for details.

 Last year’s winner, Moonshine Shorey (the only 3-time Mr. LES) will finally be giving up his crown (which comes complete with a detachable bong) in the most exciting event of the year. The chosen monarch will also receive a slice of pizza from Rosario’s, a six-pack of Budweiser, and the knowledge that he has been chosen by the people. Runner-up will receive the dubious honor of Mr. Tribeca, and will get to wear a smaller vagina-shaped crown throughout the year. There will also be prizes given for “best male tits,” “congeniality” and “best nutsack.”

 Any woman or gay man who shows up is automatically a judge! Judges must be punctual because incomplete ballots will not be accepted! Reverend Jen, the Bob Barker of the L.E.S. will host the evening. Plus, there will be surprise celebrity judges and performers!

20 dollar christmas

Now…onto the West Coast! First stop is Portland, OR. I arrive the evening of Sunday, Nov. 27th and read at Powell’s the next night at 7:30. Never been to Portland and got nowhere to stay so if you have a bed, cot, floor or couch that I can crash on, I would be ever so grateful. However, I don’t mind being a hobo. I will bring my transistor radio and sleeping bag. On the 29th, I then fly to LA and am reading on the 30th at Mysterious Galaxy in Redondo Beach. Again, no idea where I’m staying but I hope someone takes me to Jumbo’s Clown Room at some point. This also means that I have nothing booked the night of the 29th so if anyone knows of any cool place/open mike/event where I could read in LA that night, I’d be allover it.

And then I come back here on the 1st. Trying to book a space for the Mr. LES Pageant that week but thus far, no luck.

For now, I’m hunkered down during Snowtober awaiting Troll Museum visitors!